Post-Traumatic

He looked at me.

“I love you. Why is it so hard for you to believe that I’m really into you?!”

I can sense frustration in his voice.

I mustered all the energy I have left that night. I got to tell him.

“Because it’s the easiest to say if I’m the only one you see..”

I uttered, my eyes fixed on the ground. I can feel his stare on me.

“I want you to go out, David. I want you to take your eyes off of me.

Go on your way and see other girls.

Date them. Flirt with them. Do anything you want.

I don’t wanna be with someone who’s uncertain about what they want. I don’t wanna be with someone who wonders if someone better will still come along. I don’t want a relationship filled with secrets and lies. I don’t want to look stupid in any way.”

I paused. Tears starting to fall. My hands are shaking. Sweating. Same old feeling. Very familiar.

“Go out first..

Go to a club.

Attend parties.

Travel to places.

Meet new people.

Get to know different women.

Get close to them.

I don’t want curiousity to hit you if they could be better while on a relationship with me.

So figure it out now.

And once you’re done with all that, tell me if you still want me.”

Everything flashed back that night.

Everything that broke me.

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